Thursday, May 25, 2017

Stop It

Dear Overwhelmed Girl/Boy,

Stop.

You have done too much for too long. It is not fair to yourself (I won't even mention family, friends, children, spouses, etc) to keep up this unrealistic pace.

Where is it written that you have to do everything? Where is it written that you have to say "yes" to all that is asked of you? Where is it written that saying "no" makes you a bad person and therefore you should feel shame and guilt?

My dear Overwhelmed Girl/Boy, the answer to those questions is - NOwhere. NOwhere is it written that you must be all and do all. The thought of being perfect and doing everything perfectly is so overwhelming, you will drown in that thought alone. Perfection is an illusion. Reality is, your best, which changes from day to day based on your physical, mental, and emotional health THAT day, is enough.

Why are you so hard on yourself when you would never react that way to another person? Why do you hold yourself to such high standards when you would give any other person the benefit of the doubt? Why are you allowing yourself to be run over by excessive demands in life?

I understand that there are basic needs you must meet for yourself and/or spouse/children. But beyond that YOU have the power of decision on your side. You are allowed to say "no." You are allowed to put limits on what you will give (amount, time, effort, etc). You do not have to be pushed around by someone else's idea of what you should be doing.

I guarantee you, NO one is doing it all. NO one is living up to the perceived perfection you think you see. EVERY person has a breaking point. EVERY person reaches a point where she/he must decide, "Is it worth it? Is what I'm putting my energy into worth it? Is it worth my worries, thoughts, fears to stay focused on this?" Often, what is taking up MOST of our energy is of LEAST worth.

So, my precious Overwhelmed Girl/Boy, take a deep breath. Exhale slowly. And allow yourself to truly let go of the unrealistic and embrace the realistic. Realistically, you will get 1/4th of the things on your "to-do" list done today, if that. And you know what, Precious One, that's more than enough. Realistically you will need to ask for help. There are seasons of helping and seasons of receiving help. Please do not judge one as better than the other. Both seasons have their purpose. 

Spending time Judging yourself is wasted energy. Why Judge what is when you could instead be breathing in calm and gently going about your day, one activity at a time? Please, find time to sit and rest. Carve out space in your day for gentle rejuvenation. Whatever that looks like for you: laying on a blanket in the sun; getting your favorite cool drink; treating yourself to some hand picked flowers; going through the drive through for chips and queso; napping when your babies nap; putting on an hour movie and napping on the couch while your babies watch TV; asking a friend to come over and paint your nails; trading off meal making days with a friend; and on and on.

You, my Sweet Overwhelmed Girl/Boy, are more than enough, just as you are.

Please, just be.

And trust that all is well.

xoxo (<--- click-able)

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Frequently Sick

Once again, there is so much I want to say about being sick. But I'm going to simplify the process for myself. I will bullet point what has happened while mixing in the lessons I've learned, the blessings I've seen from being sick, and the questions I've asked regarding being sick.

- Why do bad things happen to good people? Why are babies born pre-mature? Why do typically developed babies have traumatic births resulting in severe physical and/or mental limitations? Why did I go into my 20's before having severe difficulties with my mental health? Why do the innocent have to suffer? 

- The answer Heavenly Father has given me to these questions is, "Because it brings them to me." And I agree with that. 100%. I have prayed more in the last 8 years than perhaps the previous 20 combined. I have felt sadness so deep that I knew only Christ understood. I have fallen at the feet of my Savior and begged him for help. I have sobbed in the arms of my Heavenly Father many nights, seeking comfort and strength to carry on another day. When life is going well, I pray, but my prayers can take on a staleness. When life is hard, beyond what I know I can do, my prayers are thorough and take on a sincerity only pain/suffering brings.

- I have been so sick this year physically. I've had horrific colds, the flu, a sinus infection, and am currently trying to figure out a mystery illness. I miss feeling well. I miss sleeping at night and being able to breathe without coughing. I miss the energy that comes with being well.

- Being sick has allowed me to really appreciate all the things that I easily took for granted: not having a sore throat/not noticing my throat at all instead of counting down the hours until I get to take Aleve again; having a small, regular cough in the morning instead of an all day cough that often triggers my gag reflex; having a clear head, not one swirling with mucous; the amazing job my nose does at warming the air I breathe instead of needing a humidifier for weeks to do that work for me; waking up and feeling like I can handle the day instead of waking up daily and having my only thought be, "I honestly feel like I'm a thousand years old;" not having to go to the doctor all the time instead of weekly trips to some doctor.

- In the midst of all of these negatives - I still see incredible blessings, not the least of which is having insurance. My dad works so hard at his job and a huge blessing of his job is insurance coverage. I am able to get the treatment I need because he works. Another great blessing is not having a regular part or full time job. What a strange blessing, but it has been amazing to see Heavenly Father provide for me financially while still giving me time to rest and heal. I tire easily and any interruption to my system takes me a few days to recover from.

- So, you see, much good has come to my life from being frequently sick this year. Ya, it sucks. But I was told in a Priesthood Blessing that "this sickness will not last for the rest of your life. You will be able to figure out what's wrong, get the appropriate treatment, and move on. You already have more than enough trials for one person in their life and what is currently going on will not be an ongoing trial." I will reflect on that promise from Heavenly Father when I feel my worst. He knows me, He loves me, and He will heal me. I will be responsible and go to my doctor appointments, then trust that Heavenly Father is leading me to where I need to be. There are no mess ups or mistakes in His plan.

Monday, May 15, 2017

4 months have passed

My Dear Blog (and Readers),

It has been an eventful 4 months. I'm sorry I haven't written for so long. I built up writing to be big - TOO big - that I couldn't do it. The words would not flow from my fingertips as they do now. SO much has happened. I am progressing and living life. But to stop and write about it felt like a burden instead of a blessing; an energy-sucker. My energy is sacred and I can't afford to invest it in activities that don't fill me. So, I took a break. During this time I have thought about how I would blog my experiences without spending hours trying to create something perfect, instead of the realistic, good enough. I have found the middle path of good enough and am ready to blog again.

The following (and maybe more) blogs will be written (hopefully) this week (and post-dated to match the time when they actually happened):

January 19th: Quitting my Job as a Night Receptionist

February 14th: Valentine's Day - A Day FILLED with Love

March 19th: Standing Up for My Mental Health: Quitting My "Preschool" Job

March 24th: Passion and Purpose (Jamie!)

April 6th: Meeting DAYNA!!!

April 18th: Joyfully Celebrating 28 Years! 

April 16th: Easter!

April 30th: Nessa's Greenhouse 

May 6th: Picture with Jesse the Screech Owl :)

May 14th: Mother's Day

May 16th: Frequently Sick (2/10; 3/4; 3/11; 3/15; ER; Onions)

With Love and Hope,

Rachel