Thursday, January 19, 2017

I Quit

*I am going to bullet point what happened leading up to the decision to quit my job as a night receptionist - my goal is to keep this simple for myself.*

- I noticed an increase in anxiety before work going into work the end of October/beginning of November.
- I was unhappy and uneasy at work. There were many changes going on and I began to feel unsafe.
- The middle of January I came to the conclusion that I needed to quit.
- Wow. There were specifics that happened. People Heavenly Father sent to help guide my thoughts, but I didn't write it down at the time, and I cannot remember the specifics of what happened.
- I just know that the days leading up to telling my supervisor I was quitting were filled with horrific anxiety. I was not able to sleep, I was experiencing more dissociation, and the day I told my supervisor I was quitting, I had nausea and diarrhea all.day.long.
- My supervisor was amazing. She suspected I was going to quit and that things in the evening were worse than I was letting on. I did give her my two weeks notice but due to the reaction and words of a co-worker, my supervisor did not let me come back.
- I had an episode in her office and had to have mom come and get me. It was such an unfortunate way for things to end.
- I am still sad that I did not get to say goodbye to the clients. There are two in particular who really meant a lot to me. It's so sad that one day I was there and the next I was not.
- All things happen for a reason. I believe my 18 months at that job were filled with learning and purpose. I wanted to hang on tight and not quit until I had another job lined up. Heavenly Father kept telling me that I needed to quit first before the way would be shown. 
- For a long time, I have been angry with my body for shutting down in stressful situations. This anger is shifting to immense gratitude. For weeks leading up to talking with my supervisor, my body was telling me that the work setting I was in was not right for me anymore. Anxiety increased, dissociation increased, ticks/twitches increased, sleep decreased - all signs that the stress was too much.
- I believe quitting was the best decision for me.
- Heavenly Father knows all and even though I do not have another job right now, I feel at peace. I am doing my part and my life is in His hands. He knows what is coming - He is providing - and all will be well.
 

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