Wednesday, March 16, 2016

when my demons set me free

... wow ...

my last post was so raw - and a very "type 4" reaction. lol

i took the enneagram test and the results came back 6, 4, (one point difference between the two) and 9.

i really feel like 6 represents who i have always been and 4 points to the changes i have made over the past five years to become a different individual. 9 is me trying to pull those two together - ha.

it's a really neat test and i recommend you take it if you haven't.

i think the main reason i've been so quiet is not because i don't have plenty to say, but because on february 3rd i started exposure therapy and as a result of that i have felt very exposed. the events that have caused me to have ptsd (which i didn't believe i had until my counselor gave me a test for it last year) are ones i have to talk about each week, record, listen to the recording, and then engage in activities i've stopped doing over the years because of the trauma. 

i have found incredible relief from this therapy. it is hard. very hard. but i'm doing it and seeing measurable progress as i do it. 

susan continues to validate and point out my progress. it is very rewarding to hear your counselor tell you how proud she is of you and how much progress you have made.

i believe these traumatic events are my demons - and amazingly enough - by facing them, confronting them, talking through them, they are giving me freedom. and isn't that all anyone wants? to be free?

dr huse continues to provide excellent support to me. and my psychiatrist is wonderful. i am blessed with family and friends who lift me up in prayer. i can see the direct results of their prayers. thank you for praying.

so many things have gone on - situations that are causing me to reflect on my choices and prepare for future choices.

i see God's hand. i see him in my life. and because i see him, i know he sees me.


ps - i have found this website helpful when it comes to information about pnes - Psychological (Psychogenic) Non Epileptic Seizures 

"knowledge is power."