Tuesday, July 7, 2015

checking in with life

i am : as usual sitting on my bed - criss cross applesauce - with both fans on. i'm wearing comfy clothes - which technically could be termed "another pair of pjs" - that i just changed into an hour or so ago...

i feel : calm - content - happy even... i'm seeing some real progress in my life and it's so encouraging. i started seeing a dr (dr huse) who practices eastern medicine and it is INCREDIBLE the changes i have experienced. they may seem like small things if i listed them off - but for my quality of life, they are huge. he was so kind, gentle, and smart. the doctoring was non-invasive, calming, healing. it is the first time i have left a dr's ofc feeling such a difference and looking forward to going back.

i think : i am ok with having psychogenic non-epileptic seizures. i think i can live the life i want and progress and be the woman of my dreams even with this disorder. even better, i think with time, therapy, and dr huse's help - i really think i can receive the healing i've been promised from god all along.

i know : my subconscious is processing a lot. i don't react very often to situations in my life with verbal/physical anger - rather i process situations and change what is needed. i know tho that i am experiencing intense emotions because my dreams are very angry/vivid. i wake almost nightly from dreams that have scared me so badly and leave me with an anxious/pounding heart. last night was particularly bad. i slept with the light on. something about the light dispelling the darkness physically helps me think that maybe it will do so mentally for me. i also take ativan. bless the makers of that. i'm hoping that dr huse can help me process my feelings in a productive way and that i won't have to be angry all night long.

i want : a cheeseburger - so bad - even tho i had soup a little while ago...

i wish : my friends and family who are hurting could see dr huse. 

i will : continue the gratitude journal dr huse asked me to keep - and i will work on taking 6 sec breaths throughout the day as he instructed as well.

i will not : waste the opportunities god has given me in my life. i am blessed.

 my beautiful shamrocks (i named them Irish) started growing a few days ago - interestingly right after i met with dr huse and found renewed life/energy/healing in myself.
they make me sooo happy :)

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