writing is my release. i write when i'm sad, mad, or happy. i hope those who read along don't think that my posts when i'm sad/mad reflect my mood every day. sure, i get discouraged and have my off days. i write to process what i'm going through and to make sense of the pain. i don't write for attention or pity. i write because it helps me and my hope is that someone will see it along the way and it will help them.
today was a good day - which is a tender mercy from heavenly father because there is a very difficult situation in my family. instead of feeling hopeless about it, i have felt a weight lifted and more clarity than i have in months.
maybe it is because i went to church with lifted burdens that i was able to feel how spiritual the meeting was - maybe, i don't really know why today was different. all i know is it is the first time in months that i have not come away from church upset. instead i felt refreshed and that my soul had been soothed.
many of the members in the congregation got up and bore their testimony. it was powerful. the words they spoke were simple and true. in fact, i found myself wishing i was able to record the meeting because it touched me so.
i came away with a greater desire to learn of the Savior's Atonement. if someone were to ask me why i am going through all of these challenges, my answer would be, "i think heavenly father wants me to have a greater understanding of his son's Atonement." heavenly father is using my mental and physical trials to bring me to him.
i don't know the depths of the Atonement but i do know that it is the only healing power on earth. it is because of our Savior that we can be made whole - in body, mind, and spirit. i want to study this topic and learn more of how i can apply the healing power of the Atonement to my life and receive strength.
i don't have a set plan yet on how i will do that, but i want to use preach my gospel, jesus the christ, and believing christ, as study materials along with the book of mormon.
i feel a change in my heart. i hope it stays. i hope i can act on these righteous desires. i hope i can stay strong and "endure all things the Lord sees fit to inflict upon me." i hope i can endure my life well until the end of my days.