Wednesday, January 28, 2015

hope

hope. i heard an acronym for it once: Hold On Pain Ends. that's what i think of every time i hear the word hope. and i hope that the pains in my life really will end.

2 years ago a and i were at wal-mart shopping for plants. i found a lovely small palm tree that came with a rock in it that said 'hope.' i bought her and kept her name hope.

6 months after i bought her i stopped watering her. depression does interesting things and something i couldn't cope with was keeping up with my plants. they used to be my life in my apartment but all of them died because i stopped watering them - all of them except my cactus from my mission - and hope.

i was just planning on throwing hope away when she eventually gave up and died but time passed and she kept going. i didn't think much of it until sunday night when i had some energy. i decided to repot some beautiful shamrocks that a gave me that i let die (please pray that they grow) and i watered hope for the first time in a year and a half. 

the metaphor was not lost on me. i can't say i've ever lost hope in my life, but i have felt the severity of depression, which at times feels hopeless. it is hard. all that time, hope did not give up on me. it was there in my life - sometimes more in the background - at other times in the foreground - but always there.

taking it a step further, my relationship with hope has been like my relationship with god. there have been times when i've turned away and stopped allowing him to water me with love in our relationship. but he has stayed and waited on me. and each time i come back he welcomes me with loving arms.

on sunday night i trimmed hope and took off her dead leaves - surprisingly there were only a few - and gave her a good drink of water. i feel like that is what i am trying to do in my relationship with god. he's pruning, molding, shaping me but always there is water. as i turn to him instead of from him i will feel the effects of the water more fully.

family friends gave me beautiful daffodils that are growing. i now have 6 plants that rely on me for water. i feel in a much more able state to take care of them.

shamrocks (named irish), daffodils, cactus

i am fully reliant on god. he gives me water and nutrients i can get no where else. as i come to him, he eases my burden and gives me the hope to go on in the midst of trials.

 i am grateful for the lesson my little hope taught me.

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