Sunday, December 7, 2014

my ten dollar lesson

i'm part of an online garage sale where people post things they want to sell and you can reply if you want to buy it. on thanksgiving day a woman posted two coach purses. i LOVE coach purses. a lot. without thinking i commented "want" and was second in line to get them out of ten plus people who wanted them. 

for the next two days i was wracked with anxiety over whether or not the lady who was in front of me would pick up the purses (from my experience people can be flaky so i was counting on that) and if she didn't i was going to fly in there and snatch them up. i bugged the lady 2 times about whether or not i got them and had to (try) and practice some radical acceptance on not getting them - but finally i heard back - i got them! i was over to her house within the hour with seventy dollars and claimed my prizes!

i got in the car and was showing my sister b and was looking the purses over - one had a pretty bad stain on in but i talked myself out of thinking it was a big deal (which really it kinda was) - and happily took my purses home. i showed my sister s and my dad (who was impressed as i wanted him to be :) and then i put them up in my closet. and there they stayed for the next 8 days. i didn't look at them again. i didn't take them out and use them. i didn't want them. it's like, i had won and it was over.

 
 
i don't want to be dramatic but i really can't remember a time before when i have ever acted this way - so greedy. i decided that i truly needed the money more than i needed the purses and that i had 3 coach purses in almost brand new condition in my closet that i'm not using that i can use (which are mine) when i want to and my friend, c, just gave me a new grace adele purse for christmas that i love, so i really didn't need more purses, so i should sell the purses and get my money back.

i did sell them but was talked down to sixty dollars by a desperate sounding man who said "please help me" and i thought " 'tis the season" so i swallowed my pride and took the money. it was another anxiety provoking experience as i went back and forth with him, settled on the amount, figured out a meeting place, etc. anxiety - my forever enemy/buddy.

as i was putting ornaments on the tree last night a gentle thought crossed my mind, which is the whole point of this story: people - not things - give my life purpose.

i felt only a moment of joy holding those coach purses. 

but relationships, those are something i cling to in my darkest - and brightest - hours. 





susan tells my often that i'm not crazy. so i'm not crazy when i say that sometimes my family drives me crazy. i think that's normal. but i crave the family craziness around the holidays. i can't imagine not being with them. it breaks my heart to think of not being with them. and it doesn't matter that next year or in two years we'll be back together; i want to be together this year.

right before i went into the hospital 21 months ago i could only think of 5 people who would come to my funeral - none of them were family members, one was the wife of my then counselor but a stranger to me, two were friends, and the last one i can't remember - maybe the funeral director?? i was in a bad, bad place. depression shuts down your world and puts blinders on you. that's how i saw the world. it was awful.


since then i've been sending out yearly christmas cards and this year i sent out 75 with still more people i could've sent some to. that's incredible to me! that i have 75 people in my life who i know care about me - actually probably more - is stunning. my world is so different than it was what does and doesn't feel like yesterday.

i love the movie "the grinch." there's a line in there that cindy loo-who's dad says after they wake up on christmas morning to find the grinch has taken all of their christmas presents: i don't need anything more than this right here: my family.

i feel that way too - plus friends :)


i'm a very blessed girl.


25 comments:

  1. What beautiful family photos and a great lesson!

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  2. I love this. "people - not things - give my life purpose" this will stick with me. Thanks so much for sharing.

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    1. Thanks, I think it's a pretty good little phrase, too.

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  3. When it's time to send out Xmas cards we're definitely reminded of how lucky we are to have so many people that care about us! Good reminder.

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  4. It's all about the people. We would be nothing without them!

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  5. Purses have a way of getting the best of us ladies! ;) Great lesson though and I love your family photos! So pretty! Thanks for sharing! It's a great reminder!

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  6. Great post! You're right people are the most important thing.

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  7. I can relate to you! Thank you for opening up and sharing. Maybe one day I will open up and have deeper blog posts like yours :)

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    1. So happy you can relate - that's one of my hopes for my little blog is to let people know their not alone in whatever they are dealing with - even if it's a $10 lesson lol

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  8. I have been there too. You are so right...the people in our lives mean so much more than material things. Thanks so much for the reminder!

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  9. Thank you for your honesty - it's easy to forget how blessed we are!

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  10. Such a lovely sentiment. We all need to remember these things at Christmas time. We're all loved by so many people, but we do need to show that we love them back every so often!

    Katie <3

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    1. This little lesson taught me a lot - thank you for reading.

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  11. great post! You are very blessed, love the photos ;o)

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  12. Such a beautiful post! Thank you for sharing <3

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  13. Great lesson to learn for $10 :) I had a 'what am I doing' moment when I realized I was ordering things online and then not even opening them... they just went in my closet and I waited for the next thing to arrive - it was a pretty awful realization, but now that I'm aware of it I'm putting a stop to it, because yes - people give our life meaning!

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  14. That's a good lesson for everyone to learn.

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  15. Great lesson! I would do the same thing, just from sheer competitiveness. But then, I would probably forget to re-sell the purses! I should learn from a page in your book!

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  16. You guys got some great photos! And it sounds like a great lesson!

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  17. Such a great reminder and post especially during this time of year. Thank you!

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  18. Beautiful photos and what a wonderful lesson! <3

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  19. Love the photos and reading about the lesson learned!

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  20. Such a great post with a wonderful lesson. You photos are perfect!

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  21. What an awesome read!! Love all the photos too :)

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