Wednesday, December 24, 2014

my bethlehem

i listened to an incredible audio recording today by al (fox) carraway. among many things she is a blogger, youtube-er, speaker, mommy, and owner of believer clothing co with her husband, ben. i think she's really amazing.

anyway - what she said in her post, wait for your 'manger,' touched me deeply and was a gentle reminder from god that i need to practice greater faith and patience in my life as i go through the trials i have been given. i hope you'll take the time to read the whole post here. it's a good read. not very long but so worth the time

one of the things al talked about was the discomfort mary must've been in during the travel to bethlehem as it probably took a few days. being 9 months pregnant and riding a donkey - ya, probably not the most comfortable thing in the world! she probably had braxton hicks and other pregnancy things i don't know about as i've never had a baby - but she kept going. i related that to me. in my trails there will be discomfort. it's up to me... do i stop and sit on the side of the road and say "i'm done" or keep going and make it to my bethlehem to see what god has in store for me.

recently my health has gone from ok in the seizure department to really not good. many events have happened in the past few weeks which i'm not ready to write about but we have learned that i in fact DO NOT have seizures and the working theory is i may have periodic paralysis.

this has felt much too heavy for me. i have little to no energy each day and severe muscle weakness with other symptoms. i have wanted to give up on this trial that god has given me. many times in my discomfort on my donkey i have not wanted to finish my trip to bethlehem. i talked to susan about what my options are and she asked me to think seriously about my commitment to life and living. she told me that i can still live a full and fulfilling life with a debilitating neuromuscular disease.

it is hard for me to accept this. but in my reasonable moments, i know her words are true. for a while i have wanted to change a large part of the world. but i guess i can be content changing my small place in the world.

many miracles have occurred and i was able to get a much needed doctor's appt yesterday instead of september of next year but i came away from it feeling afraid. that night i had 4 different friends bring me gifts. each one touched my heart and i felt such love from them. one gift in particular made me sob as i looked at the picture and read the note my sweet friend, a, had written on the back.

i feel my savior's love


i knew this was god's way of reminding me to keep going. that yes, my donkey may be uncomfortable, but my bethlehem is waiting, and he has something great and wonderful in store for me there.

this christmas season i am so thankful for the savior of the world who came as a baby into a humble manger. i'm so grateful that mary was willing to endure her donkey and make it to bethlehem and for joseph who led them with great tenderness. i love my heavenly father and am so thankful he sent his son. i know i'm not ever alone because my savior has walked the road i now travel in my life. he is the greatest gift and i love him with all of my heart.


this video brought the true spirit of christmas back into my heart.
i hope it will bring it into yours.

15 comments:

  1. What a beautiful post. I hope that this brings you comfort.

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  2. I understand what you are going through a lot. In 2010 I suffered a stroke and now have to keep seizures under control with a lot of medication. I still have one a year typically. The stroke also caused me to start suffering from depression and anxiety when I never had before. It's been a rough 5 years since this all started but I am alive and doing pretty well so I try to remind myself of that.

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    1. Medical things are such heavy trials to go through. I never thought I would be one to go through the many things I have experienced. I am so sorry to hear about your stroke and resulting seizures. Anxiety and depression are also two very hard burdens to carry. People try to be understanding but unless you've been through it, you just don't know. Life gets better somehow. I hope it will continue to improve for you.

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  3. This is great! Thank you for sharing and for showing us this video :)

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    1. So glad you enjoyed the video :) It really brought me back to what Christmas is all about.

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  4. I can not imagine the pain or the fear you must be going through but i do know the lord has your back no matter how scary times may get

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    1. Thank you, I know he is there for me too. I wander sometimes, but he never does.

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  5. Wow... Amazing story. God has not forgotten... Sounds like the Modern Day Christmas Story.. Love it. Bethlehem...God has amazing things in store for you because He loves YOU!

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    1. Thank you so much for that reminder that he loves me :)

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  6. Wow beautifully written and so powerful. Thanks for sharing.

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  7. Wonderfully written. Powerful sharing!

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  8. Wishing you the joy, peace, love, and hope that the New Year brings! Thanks for sharing your post. God bless you always :) - Cara of StylishGeekBlog.com

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  9. Sending big hugs your way. I hope that 2015 brings you some comfort. Sounds like you have some pretty amazing friends!

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  10. beautiful post! thanks so much for sharing this

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