Saturday, December 20, 2014

a letter

around this time each year i really wish i had someone special to share it with.

i have my family and amazing friends - and i am NOT discounting that in any way, because i know there are many who don't have family and i remember a time in my life when i felt i had no friends; i felt very lonely. my life truly is blessed.

still i long for a relationship in my life. i watch as friends and cousins are getting married and starting families and i feel a tinge of sadness and envy. especially this time of year: christmas, a time of miracles and magic. i have said it once and i'll say it again, i would NEVER take away what they have. but i wish - for my own sake - that i had that someone special that they have.

i read an amazing book by my favorite author, richard paul evans, called the mistletoe promise. it was about two people finding each other and falling in love during the christmas season. i'm a sucker for those books. it was a tender and sweet story. i loved it so much i read it twice in one day. it was so so good.

for awhile now i have been writing my "future husband" letters. there are many reasons i started doing this - most too personal to share - but i think the main one was to show him that i have been trying my hardest to BE the person he will fall in love with. is it silly to love someone you've never met? maybe. but i love him. and someday when i meet him, i'll get the chance to tell him.

i wanted to share a snippet of a letter i wrote a few weeks ago.

"...i wish you were one of those miracles. i won't lie, the lord's timing is confusing and frustrating to me. i have had the recurring thought recently that i am 'damaged goods' and that no one - specifically you - whoever you are - wouldn't/won't want me. but i just cant fully convince myself that that's true. we're all damaged in some way. and we need the master healer to heal us. that's what i want more than anything - to be healed - but if i'm not healed in this life - will you walk through these trials with me? i can't say that i've been shouldering them alone - i've had family, friends, aunts, uncles, cousins, strangers, counselors, many praying for me - heavenly father and the savior. but to commit to me is to accept my past, embrace my present, and endure the future with me. are you willing to do that? i'm willing to do that for you. i often look forward to the day we meet, then fall in love and settle into life and living and creating a joyful life."

i'm hopeful that one day i'll have someone special to spend my days with. all in god's time. i'm just learning how to be patient. haven't i learned that yet?!?! (clearly from that last sentence i haven't ;)

a friend of mine and her husband have a blog with marriage advice and so much more - it's totally worth checking out : i believe in a thing called love.

and this - this commercial TOTALLY and ABSOLUTELY sums up what i hope my holiday season is like someday with my someone special. :)

cutest. commercial. ever.

25 comments:

  1. I understand how you're feeling. I thought this about myself for the longest time. I was diagnosed with depression and a panic disorder shortly before meeting my boyfriend (of 14 months now!) and I was terrified I would be too much trouble on him but he loves me, all parts of me, and it's amazing. Timing is everything. If you jump at the wrong time, you might end up more hurt than loved. So just take a breath and look at adorable cats on Youtube till your man shows up! <3

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    1. Thank you for sharing what you did about your journey with depression and panic. It gives me hope to know that things turned out for you; I know they can and will for me.

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  2. I know so many people who are struggling through these thoughts. One day at a time! Your man will find you when you aren't even looking! ;) (And thanks for sharing this video! I LOVE them!) :)

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    1. That's what I have to do - just keep living my life and it will come when I'm not expecting it, you're right! Thank you.

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  3. This is a beautiful letter. I really loved reading it. Thanks for sharing. :)

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    1. So glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading.

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  4. I can honestly say I know how you feel, I thought I had it all but apparently now and the waiting game is killing me. I agree the lord's time is confusing and frustrating at the same time but I believe he will deliver us that which we need.

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    1. He will deliver us at the perfect time. GST - God's Standard Time, that's what my friend says I'm on lol

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  5. That Kristen and Dax video is ADORABLE! The Universe will bring you the write person when its time!

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  6. beautiful. I do love Kristen and Dax - and I feel like even though its *just* a commercial - they are probably 100% like that in real life. Have you seen the clip of her on Ellen when Dax brings her a baby sloth. LOVE.

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    1. Yes the baby sloth video was SO ADORABLE!

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  7. I made the decision that I wasn't going to be alone and found my prince after dating 53 toads. It takes a lot of work and putting yourself out there but it's possible.

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  9. p.s. I have anxiety and depression too. I have searched for the right meds and therapy my whole life and finally have the right cocktail of meds, so there is hope there too. I have had a lot of therapy too.

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    1. Thank you for sharing that you have anxiety and depression, it helps me to know that others struggle with the same things I do. I have found that Dialectical Behavioral Therapy DBT has been the most helpful for me. There are many good options out there though.

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  10. Keep your head up high, good things come to those who persevere. Thanks for sharing.

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  11. I deserve one just for getting out of bed some days I think! Anxiety is something I struggle with too!

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    1. I'm clapping for you! Anxiety is hard - applause, applause, applause!

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  12. Very beautiful letter, I hope next Christmas you have a great man in your life who is or will be your husband.

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  13. Someone else just posted about The Mistletoe Promise! I will have to read it!

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  14. I love the idea of letters to your Future Husband! It will happen...just don't lose hope or lessen your ideals. Much better to be alone then I'm the wrong relationship.

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  15. Everyone wants comanionship ~ it's in our nature. And I think you hit the nail on the head with, "in God's timing"...but it's always the best time. Before I met my husband I almost started dating a guy that was perusing me endlessly out of boredom, then at the last minute I changed my mind. A couple weeks later, I met my husband. If I didn't go with my gut instinct to keep holding out to the man God has called for me - I would have messed up my whole life, I'm sure of it.

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    1. God knows what he's doing for each of us.

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  16. Writing is a great way to express yourself when you have big, weighty things to get off your chest! I totally hear you.... I would have done anything to be able to peek into my future and see if I had a 'happy ever after', and what it would look like.

    Despite the lack of ability to see one's future happiness... I found plenty of happiness in so many different forms. All I can offer is to find happiness around you, and to be optimistic and true to yourself. Never let frustration, unhappiness, or desperation (guys can smell that a mile away!) get to you, and you'll be in the best position for anyone else that is lucky to share life with you. :)

    xo,
    lauriel
    EyeForElegance.com

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