i have my family and amazing friends - and i am NOT discounting that in any way, because i know there are many who don't have family and i remember a time in my life when i felt i had no friends; i felt very lonely. my life truly is blessed.
still i long for a relationship in my life. i watch as friends and cousins are getting married and starting families and i feel a tinge of sadness and envy. especially this time of year: christmas, a time of miracles and magic. i have said it once and i'll say it again, i would NEVER take away what they have. but i wish - for my own sake - that i had that someone special that they have.
i read an amazing book by my favorite author, richard paul evans, called the mistletoe promise. it was about two people finding each other and falling in love during the christmas season. i'm a sucker for those books. it was a tender and sweet story. i loved it so much i read it twice in one day. it was so so good.
for awhile now i have been writing my "future husband" letters. there are many reasons i started doing this - most too personal to share - but i think the main one was to show him that i have been trying my hardest to BE the person he will fall in love with. is it silly to love someone you've never met? maybe. but i love him. and someday when i meet him, i'll get the chance to tell him.
i wanted to share a snippet of a letter i wrote a few weeks ago.
"...i wish you were one of those miracles. i won't lie, the lord's timing is confusing and frustrating to me. i have had the recurring thought recently that i am 'damaged goods' and that no one - specifically you - whoever you are - wouldn't/won't want me. but i just cant fully convince myself that that's true. we're all damaged in some way. and we need the master healer to heal us. that's what i want more than anything - to be healed - but if i'm not healed in this life - will you walk through these trials with me? i can't say that i've been shouldering them alone - i've had family, friends, aunts, uncles, cousins, strangers, counselors, many praying for me - heavenly father and the savior. but to commit to me is to accept my past, embrace my present, and endure the future with me. are you willing to do that? i'm willing to do that for you. i often look forward to the day we meet, then fall in love and settle into life and living and creating a joyful life."
i'm hopeful that one day i'll have someone special to spend my days with. all in god's time. i'm just learning how to be patient. haven't i learned that yet?!?! (clearly from that last sentence i haven't ;)
a friend of mine and her husband have a blog with marriage advice and so much more - it's totally worth checking out : i believe in a thing called love.
and this - this commercial TOTALLY and ABSOLUTELY sums up what i hope my holiday season is like someday with my someone special. :)
cutest. commercial. ever.