Tuesday, November 4, 2014

my mom

my mom has often told me the story of when i was 3 or 4 and was following her around the house, staying right under foot, doing everything she was doing. in exasperation she finally turned to me and said, "rachel, what are you doing?!" "mommy," i said, "i'm watching you so i'll know how to be a mommy when i grow up."

and that's honestly what i've always wanted to be: a mommy.

my mom has done - and continues to do - so much for me that in this month of gratitude (and her birthday month :) i thought i'd do another dedicated post and write 10 ways my mom has made my life worth living.

1 - when i was on my mission having seizures, my compaion and i were told to stay in our apartment while they tried to figure out what to do with me. we got a call one day and when i looked down at the phone and recognized the number as my home phone number i knew the voice on the other end of that line would be my mom's. it was. warm, familiar, and comforting, it brought tears to my eyes, as i hadn't heard her voice in 6 1/2 months. though the circumstances weren't ideal, i was grateful to hear her.

2 - after going to the hospital last year, the only person i wanted to see once that door locked and i was permanently stuck in there was my mom. i was lonely, i was scared, i was afraid, and i was depressed. a perfect cocktail for a mother's love. it was her i wanted because i knew she could make things better.

3 - mom worked tirelessly on the phone making calls to get me in to see a dbt therapist while i was doing intensive outpatient treatment at the hospital. she got insurance to work and did all the behind the scenes stuff that i wouldn't have done because i was not in a good place. she did what i couldn't. this has been the pattern in many instances in my life, where she teaches me and shows me what to do while i am learning.

4 - i had to move out of my apartment, but i was - my words - depressed mush. so it was mom who did all the packing and coordinating and moving while i basically stayed in my room, slept, and cried. those were dark days for me. she made my heavy burden lighter.

5 - in the early days of my treatment - and still now, but especially then - i didn't sleep well. every night she left my room with the invitation to come get her whenever if i couldn't sleep. i knew she was just a walk down the hallway away. 

6 - when the seizures started acting up - and now since they have been acting up - she made sure i got to all my dr and therapy appointments. that's no small thing! driving me all around different towns every day, changing her schedule to accommodate mine. it was and is a sacrifice of love that she willingly makes to make sure i get the help i need.

7 - every night she makes a home made dinner - she even takes requests! i love coming home to the smell of food and a warm kitchen. it makes the house feel homey.

8 - i can always count on her to come and get me if i don't feel well. just last week i was at a friend's house and left but decided to pull over because i was having seizure auras. she dropped everything and came and got me with no questions asked. that's true love. 

9 - mom totally gets my jokes! not everyone gets my delightful sense of humor but when mom and i get going there's no stopping us! we can laugh and laugh and laugh about something for a long time and i have had some of the best times sitting on the couch, late at night, laughing about an embarrassing situation with her.

10 - she always wants to talk and listen. she has let me know time and time again that i am important to her. if she's in the middle of something and i want to talk, she stops what she's doing so she can listen.

my mom makes my life worth living.
she has for 25 years.
i'm grateful she's in my life.
she's a blessing to me.

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