Friday, September 12, 2014

another 6 week prize!

it's not exactly what i wanted, but what i wanted wasn't in the budget because i spent first and thought later. so i improvised - thought about my spending choices and consequences - and reminded myself of what i really want to walk for this next 6 weeks - A SNOOGLE!!!

here is what i earned for walking for the past 6 weeks :)

i really, really wanted a new purse but coach didn't have anything that struck my fancy so i just pushed that aside. well my awesome friend, c, must've been inspired to give me my christmas present early because it's a beautiful red grace adele bag that is no longer made and!!! i consider it very rewarding and part of my prize for walking.

 i got my nails done - which is usually my prize for waxing my legs - but this time i counted it towards my walking prize because i only shaved (it was the best i could do in the moment) and i got a pedicure which is not what i originally planned. i got them done in teal because september is pcos awareness month and that's how i'm helping to spread awareness.

and lastly i got this amazing print from natural life - i'm totally in love with their website and stuff. it really spoke to me and i bought it on a whim and then realized i needed to count it towards earning something. i got it framed all fancy and put it up in my room and i see it every day. it really captured my attention. i love what it says "not all who wander are lost."

there have definitely been times in my journey when i have felt lost. right now i would say i'm feeling a little lost. not as lost as i've been before, but a little lost as far as what to do and where to go next. but it hasn't always been this way in my life nor will it always be this way. sometimes i wander just for the sake of seeing the beauty and joy of the journey. i wander for wandering's sake. i wander to see the joy in others' journey. and i believe that's part of taking joy in our journey is to wander a little. because not all who wander are lost, they just are.

i have been sad recently. i started a new medication and i found increasing depression slipping in, panic in my daily life rising, unskillful and unhelpful thoughts of ending my life creeping in, mood swings where i'm laughing one minute and crying the next, and very vivid dreams where i am having a hard time separating reality from non-reality. i am working closely with my counselor and doctors to manage these symptoms and get them under better control but it is taking its toll on me. i feel like a wreck and that so many things are out of my control. pray for me?

a song that came to my mind "where can i turn for peace"

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