Thursday, August 28, 2014

it wasn't roaring

this is the only song i listen to right now. it's not new or anything, it's just really pulling on my heart strings.

i have felt the way the man is described in this song many times. overwhelmed and confused by fear. and so i have built huge walls to cover up my fear and armed them with guns and fire to try and keep people back. i remember a time during my journey when i was so full of anger that i literally broke glass and left it by my front door in my apartment. it was a visually reminder that i wanted people to stay away from me because i felt so explosive.

really, though, i was hurting, and didn't know what to do with the great amount of pain i felt. in the song it talks about how when the night came the sound that comes from within the walls that this man built wasn't roaring as one might expect because of all the fierce things he built, but rather it was weeping. and that's how i felt. i spent many nights weeping. in so much pain, weeping because i didn't know what to do or where to go for help.

i look back on that girl with compassion. she had so much valid pain - and still does which she works through each week in counseling - but she has come such a long long way from breaking glass, self injury, screaming anger outbursts, daily crying spells, suicidal thinking, sleeping all day to escape, watching tv when she was awake to escape, etc. 

there is a need for greater kindness and compassion extended towards the people we meet on our journies in life. i hope we have all heard some form of the quote, "be kind, you never know what battle someone is fighting." it is so true. behind every smile there is a tear we don't know about. people put on brave faces because society says we 'have' to, but i say, we don't have to. when you ask someone how they are, have the time and the decency to really mean it and listen to their answer. every story is worth telling.

maybe what you think is roaring is actually weeping.


  1. "Life is too short to be anything but happy. Love deeply, forgive quickly, take chances, give everything with no regrets and forget the past with exception of what you have learned and remember everything happens for a reason." Here is wishing you a blessed and beautiful day, spiritually and mindfully and with each step all throughout your day. Love you, this is my prayer for you today my friend.

    1. Thank you, Andi. I am late in responding to this, but thank you for this prayer. xo