Sunday, August 31, 2014

being skillful

just because i can be skillful doesn't mean i always choose to be skillful.

yesterday while driving home from a birthday celebration i was flooded with negative emotions. i have yet to recover from the impact it has had on me. i did what i do best, which is write, and wrote a long, rambling letter to s. 

i feel stress, confusion, anxiety, envy, fear, jealousy, and sadness coming from many different directions. i'm working with a body that is not hormonally balanced at the moment and that is really difficult for me. i do not recall a time when i have been so aware of my body being so off hormonally and the impact it has on my diet, mood, thinking, and actions.

i hear thoughts in my mind try to surface of opposite action skills or problem solving skills i could use, but i'm not into it right now. i don't feel depressed, just really sad. and for now i'm content to lay with my sadness and let it wash over me.

i wish i was seeing susan tomorrow as i usually do each monday, but it's labor day, so i don't get to see her until thursday. i will try to not call her - counselors deserve days off too - but i know she's there if i get in a bad way/place. perhaps tomorrow will be better. until then, i'm staying in bed.

and maybe, in its own way, that is skillful.

listening to my mind and body - and taking a break.

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