Sunday, April 6, 2014

passing

yesterday i went to the funeral for a friend's infant son. it was hard to see her, her husband and son grieving. i will never forget the pain on her face. the preacher gave a beautiful, faith-filled sermon of trusting jesus. i loved what he said. there was so much hope and comfort in his words. i am grateful for his wisdom and insights. they released balloons to send heaven ward. it reminded me of l's life celebration where the same thing was done but with notes attached.

for some reason it was such a comfort to see those balloons going towards heaven, knowing that even though we couldn't make the journey at this time, they could.

mamaw lost infant twin girls. one was stillborn and the other lived for a few hours. i believe she carried the pain of their death with her throughout her life. they are buried on a beautiful hill in augusta, ky. i know she visited them often and whenever we would visit ky we would make it a point to take her out there to visit them. i know she loved them so much and missed them every day.

when mamaw passed she requested that some of her ashes be buried with the girls. on my trip to ky last year in august i went to visit her and the twins. i was a little apprehensive about going. i wasn't sure how i was going to feel after - fearing added depression would set in. but i went. it was a lovely, sunny day, about 72 degrees with a breeze. i walked up to the grave sight and just sat there by myself. the church bells started ringing and i had this overwhelming feeling of peace. in that moment i knew that mamaw was with her girls and all was well with her.

i am so grateful for that experience. i felt very close to my sweet mamaw then and felt her love for me. here is a picture of me at the grave sight.


i believe that our spirits live on after our physical bodies die. i know my mamaw is very much alive. i know l and my dear friend's baby boy are alive and resting in the arms of our savior. i do not know why these incredible women have been asked by god to go through such a tremendous heartache as loosing a child, but i know that god will be with them every step of the way.

i wish i had wiser or more comforting words to tell my friends. i don't know how to get through the pain of such a loss. i know that mamaw did. but it changed her. it refined her. it made her a kinder and gentler person, more able to asses the sorrows of others. she lived with a quiet dignity about her. i wonder if it started when she lost so much?

in the midst of my heartache over this week's news it has been a blessing for me to look outward and reach outward, to give a hug to someone who is struggling with a heavier load than i am. there are always greater sorrows in the world to be had.

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