Thursday, April 3, 2014

all news ....

.... can't be good news i suppose .... i haven't really wanted to write this post -- yet writing is theraputic for me and cleansing so i know it will help.

i have been having some 'lady troubles' and way back in november when becca and i were in the car accident they found a large cyst on my right ovary. i finally went to get checked out monday and was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome. i cried most of monday and tuesday. susan said it's ok to cry because this diagnosis was/is a threat to my way of life or better, how i want to live my life. she believes i'll be able to have children - and i'm still hopeful i'll be able to have children, it's just now there are more obstacles to overcome.

today, i'm out of tears and scared.

scared of all the changes i need to make in my life and how i'm going to be able to do that. i need to get on an exercise program and better eating program. all things i've known for a long time, it's just now i have to do it. and i'm looking at this mountain like "how in the world am i going to climb you?"

i wonder why god is asking me to go on this path ... it feels so hard and difficult. i didn't know what to say last night in my prayer. i was at a loss as to how to communicate with god. i just started pouring out my soul to him. my hopes, dreams, fears, wishes. it all came spilling out. oh, how i need him!


  1. hey Rachel, I also have been diagnosed with PCOS since 2008. Mine is a little bit different than yours (I'm not insulin resistant, my pituitary gland is just screwed up) but I feel ya ... so much... on the stress and sorrow and shame that comes along with it. I'm getting married soon and (i'm being really candid, I hope that's ok) PCOS has the real possibility of screwing up my marital relations and I'm on like four different (temporary) medications and nauseous every morning and night as a result.

    The uncertainty of what my body will do at any given moment; the excessive and embarrassing body hair; the lack of control; the fear of what this will mean for conceiving; it's the worst.

    BUT I will tell you something else! It's a super manageable condition. Doctors know so much more about it than they have before, and you will be surprised by the number of women around you who also have the PCOS diagnosis. In fact, I've found being really candid about my condition and opening up to other women about my struggles has helped me experience real connection with others and take a lot of comfort. Doing that might help you too, when you are ready.

    Every doctor i've ever talked to has been totally confident about the possibility of PCOSers conceiving.

    The NUMBER ONE best thing I did for understanding MY body and MY PCOS was go to a reproductive endocrinologist. My general practioner was not very helpful and even a gynecologist didn't feel as knowledgeable or trustworthy as the endocrinologist.

    It sucks, but I believe that this is one diagnosis that can really take backseat in your life.

    If you ever wanna talk about how I manage the conditions (like excess hair, coming to mental terms with the diagnosis, etc) just message me on FB. Happy to talk.

    One of my favorite internet resources:


    1. Thank you for this, Michaelann. I usually respond really fast to comments on my blog - sorry it's taken more time than usual. Glad to have you on my team. I'll be looking into soulcysters soon. xo