.... can't be good news i suppose .... i haven't really wanted to write this post -- yet writing is theraputic for me and cleansing so i know it will help.
i have been having some 'lady troubles' and way back in november when becca and i were in the car accident they found a large cyst on my right ovary. i finally went to get checked out monday and was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome. i cried most of monday and tuesday. susan said it's ok to cry because this diagnosis was/is a threat to my way of life or better, how i want to live my life. she believes i'll be able to have children - and i'm still hopeful i'll be able to have children, it's just now there are more obstacles to overcome.
today, i'm out of tears and scared.
scared of all the changes i need to make in my life and how i'm going to be able to do that. i need to get on an exercise program and better eating program. all things i've known for a long time, it's just now i have to do it. and i'm looking at this mountain like "how in the world am i going to climb you?"
i wonder why god is asking me to go on this path ... it feels so hard and difficult. i didn't know what to say last night in my prayer. i was at a loss as to how to communicate with god. i just started pouring out my soul to him. my hopes, dreams, fears, wishes. it all came spilling out. oh, how i need him!