one of the thoughts she caught me thinking was "my life is over." i did not know this, but that thought works the same in the brain as suicide thoughts do.
she gave me this analogy : think of heating your house in the winter. what happens if you leave the front door open three inches? where does all of the heat go? it goes out that crack, even though it's just a 'little' one. the same thing happens to our energy when we think thoughts such as "my life is over" or suicide thoughts. it zaps all of our energy. knowing this it then made sense why i had had such a shitty few days emotionally. when those thoughts come into our minds we have to slam the door on them and go "nope, not an option. i'm not going to dwell on those thoughts."
we talked about failure. this is a really hard one for me, because i don't like to fail. and how it's in the picking ourselves back up and picking ourselves back up and picking ourselves back up that define us as human beings. she helped me see failure in a more 'positive' light. we are all going to fail. it's just part of life. but it's those who pick themselves up who are different.
on a more spiritual note, a leader in my church asked me to read the book believing christ by stephen e robinson. i have a vague recollection of my counselor, shane, having me read it a year and a half ago. i remember liking it a lot. it came in the mail today and i started it tonight. it is really good and focuses on the difference between believing in christ and believing christ.
i wrote in december of 2013 about my beliefs of christ and his atonement around christmas time. i have been thinking a bit lately about what christ did for me and it has brought me great peace. i do not know all there is to know about the atonement but i know that it is a real power that i have felt in my life. below are some quotes i found that have brought me additional peace:
"All that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ." Linda Burton
"Even with the trials of life, because of the Savior's Atonement and His grace, righteous living will be rewarded with personal peace." Quintin Cook
"There is no problem, no obstacle to our divine destiny, for which the Savior's Atonement does not have a remedy of superior healing and lifting power." Tad Callister
"Trumpeted from the summit of Calvary is the truth that we will never be left alone nor unaided. Even if sometimes we may feel that we are." Jeffrey Holland
"It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ's atonement shines." Jeffrey Holland
and as always, i must not loose sight of my 2014 motto. the frank sinatra song is one susan introduced to me on friday :) she said it should be my theme song. i agree with her.
"i am only one idea, one dream, or one person away from my miracle. don't give up.
the future is bright."