Friday, February 14, 2014

7 things

  .... to do when you're really angry. that's the first thing that came up when i - in my lost state - googled "what do you do when you're angry"

the article is really good and was an answer to a pray that went something like this : "oh looooooord please help me .... " because i'm still at the stage with my anger that i don't know what to do with it.


i have expressed before that growing up i was never allowed (or never allowed myself - not sure which) to be angry. so i turned anger into anxiety. now my anger turns into depression. and as i was doing #3 (see below) i realized i don't deserve to become more depressed every time i get angry. i deserve to work through it and to get over it and to conquer it and to move on.

so i read this article and did the following : #1 - #2 (with self control and that prayer) - #3 (by talking a vigorous walk) - #4 (below) - #5 (to trusted friends) - #6 (i count this with #2) - and i will continue to do #7 with a check-in with my counselor monday.

#4 - today i'm grateful for the beautiful roses and baby's breath my dad bought me; the chocolate my mom and dad got me; the clothes that came in the mail for me; for my new hair cut; for laughter and my sense of humor; for cousins; for close friends; for my comfy bed; for my socks and sandals; for my pillows; for angry songs; for prayer - even when said through clenched teeth; and for the 70 degree weather.

wow - i feel a lot better. now it's just a matter of being "very dbt" the rest of the evening and letting this all go. i will - turn on just friends, get in my pjs, fill my pill cases, take my night meds, read scriptures, watch just friends until i fall asleep.

and that's all she wrote.

1. Acknowledge It: Clenching your teeth while stuffing your feelings does no good for you, your mate, or your gastrointestinal tract. There's nothing wrong with being angry. Admitting it to yourself, or as calmly as possible to the person you're locking horns with, can feel validating, and it's the first step in working toward resolution.
2. Spell it out: Still simmering after an awful performance evaluation? Writing down your feelings -- yes, the prehistoric pen and paper can work as well, if not better, than the laptop-can be extremely helpful.
In the process, you can sort out why you're upset and what steps you can take work through the situation. Perhaps most important, putting your feelings into words can diminish their grip on you and help them work their way out of your system.
3. Get physical: Biologically, anger looks quite similar to other forms of arousal. Get connected to your body, and channel the rage into an activity that can release tension-dancing, jumping rope, kickboxing and running are great examples. Do a primal scream (if you're blessed not to share walls.) Instead of letting frustration burn you up, you can let it burn off. Sometimes the energy release of a good laugh, or a good cry, can also take the edge off.
4. Seek perspective: If you're still feeling steamed from that bully on the exit ramp or the backhanded tone from the bartender, it might be time to make a list of the things you're grateful for. Gratitude meditations, or just sitting and focusing on what's right in your life, are associated with increased fulfillment and diminished stress. Breaking out the yardstick to determine mountain from molehill can sometimes help clear your head.
5. Connect, carefully: Sharing your feelings with a trusted person can often be very cathartic. Don't make excuses for your emotions or buff them to a shine; just let them flow. But beware of the friend who just riles you up further; there's a difference between letting you vent and fanning your flames.
6. Take action: If it's a serial aggressor that's getting you down, chart out steps to improve the situation. A methodical, specific plan of action can lend a sense of control, helping stop the madness.
7. Watch it: Sometimes even when things seem resolved, anger can linger in the form of hypersensitivity, irritability, and insomnia. Increasing your mindfulness -- or at the very least, keeping an ear attuned to your inner dialogue of thoughts and feelings -- can serve as an early warning system for future conflicts.

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