Saturday, October 19, 2013


my head is killing me. it's a different kind of pain than a migraine or even a headache - it's the pain of withdraw. i saw my shrink thursday and told him i didn't think one of the meds i was taking was working, so now i'm weaning off of it and it's killing me. he also took away another med and added two new ones. that's all fine and dandy but it was a lot for my body to take - and i've been feeling for weeks the feeling of a seizure. it's a hard feeling to describe but it pulls at my body, it's like i'm trying to separate from myself and i feel dizzy and light headed - even a little nauseous. 

friday after work i was home standing by the stairs. i told my dad i wasn't doing well. my mom was walking down the stairs and asked if i was ok - and i just stared straight ahead and i felt it, my eyes starting to cross, the room starting to bend, my body going limp and i collapsed on the floor. hitting my head pretty hard on the wood floor and having a 3-4 minute seizure.

i came out of it ok. i was just so tired. which has always been my complaint when i come out of seizures. i'm so tired. it's like it drains everything from me. i had another one on the couch and then fell asleep into a seizure like sleep - it was very strange. i called my dr and left a message on his emergency line but he didn't call back. soooooo what do you do? i stopped taking one of the new meds that i just don't like/trust.

i had one maybe two i couldn't really tell seizures today. and have felt off all day. like something just needs to click into place. but i don't know what that is. there is a missing piece but i am no shrink and don't have the schooling to know what it is. i really want to go back to dr q. i trust him a lot more than my current shrink.

i feel in my body but not. like if the skin weren't there i'd float out and away. i know my parents are really worried. and i've told s and a. i called susan so she knows and is in the loop. i think i'm doing all the right things i just don't know why it's not easy and why there has to be this relapse or at least what feels like a relapse. 

i'm just really tired and confused. upset and wanting dr q back and in charge. guess i'll just have to wait until monday and see what it brings. 
prayers appreciated.

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