Sunday, October 27, 2013


disclaimer : my meds are still not correct and so let's all just take a step back and realize that what i'm about to write may or may not be very reality based. it feels like my reality but it may not actually be my reality.

i'm sad. that's no surprise. i've been sad for weeks - trending down-ward. and it's gotten worse with bad med changes and seizures and other upsets i've been feeling. but another great sadness that happens this time of year is the sadness of seeing so many of my friends with their families doing family activities like going to the pumpkin patch and on hay rides, dressing up in family costumes (that will in their teen years most surely embarrass their children :), and doing things together for the first time really and seeing it through a child's eye. maybe that's what i'm mourning tonight. the innocence of seeing this time of year with a child. 

i'm also missing my apartment like crazy. i miss decorating it and having a space and place all to myself. i miss my style and my choices and my routine. truth : i even miss cleaning it. there was no one there to judge me or correct me or tell me what to do and when. it was just me.

and soon - oh so very soon - will come the anniversary date (i hate that it's become so but it has) of when i returned home from my service mission trip. and there are too many emotions that accompany that. 

so tonight, ya, i'm bummed.

wishing i could hold a sleeping baby and snuggle a little piece of heaven.

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