Saturday, July 20, 2013


i love pintrest! it is one of my favorite hobbies. i spend time on there at night when my thoughts are too much or when i may want to hurt myself. i use it for distraction and self soothing. i use it when i'm bored or when i want to get some good ideas. it's such an incredible place and i love pinning away and creating dream boards. some people say that pintrest is like online hoarding :) i think that's funny. i found this quote the other day and it has really stuck with me.

it reminds me a lot of a previous post i wrote called bloom where you're planted, which received a lot of kind feedback. it's one of the more 'beautiful' posts that i have written where i was able to describe what i was feeling well and express it to my readers - or at least that's how i feel about it.

lately with dbt i have become more aware of my thoughts and how much they affect me. susan, my therapist, always asks me where i feel me emotions in my body. at first i thought this was dumb. but i've come to learn that this is so important because by noticing where they are i can relax the muscles of the affected area and calm myself down. my thoughts are connected to my body, mind, spirit. i am a connected individual and soul.

i want my thoughts to produce 'flowers.' good actions, kind thoughts, loving words. too often it is easy to produce weeds. they pop up unannounced and i just let them stay. the whole while not realizing how much they are affecting me physically and spiritually. as i am becoming more aware i am learning what to filter out of my mind and what to allow to stay. this awareness is difficult to master. it will take time and dedication. but i believe the end result is worth the work.

i have also found in the past few weeks my thoughts turning towards god and all the many blessings he has given me. i have heard his voice often in my mind reassuring me that things in my life will come together for my good and that all will work out. there are so many times when i look at where i am and see where i long to be and just shake my head and wonder how the bridge between the two will ever be built, but he has a way. he is the master craftsman and he holds in his hands the blueprints for my life. he understands what i do not and knows why it is important for me to suffer now. i pray everyday for continued patience and understanding. he blesses me with glimpses of my progress and a look at the woman i can be if i will stick to this course he has set me on.

i guess what my thoughts are really turning towards is finding joy in the journey of life. i love this talk given by the president of the church i belong to. he tells so many inspirational stories of people who have found joy in their lives. perhaps you'll take time to listen to it or read it. 'finding joy in the journey'

i love this song i was taught in church as a child. it brings me comfort on hard nights.
I am a child of God,
And he has sent me here,
Has given me an earthly home
With parents kind and dear.
 Lead me, guide me, walk beside me,
Help me find the way.
Teach me all that I must do
To live with him someday.

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