Friday, March 29, 2013

my aunts

i have some of the most amazing aunts in the world. really and truly. three of my aunts in particular have been a huge blessing to me these past few weeks. they are my guardian angels.

my aunt e sends me notes weekly just to tell me how much she loves me and thinks about me. she and my grandma, mamaw, were close and so it always feels like a hug from mamaw when i get aunt e's cards.

my aunt l is very cool and will quote psych lines with me over facebook :) too much fun! she just became a grandma for the first time to baby t!

and my aunt m is a kind and gentle soul who has amazing talents that she shares with the whole family. she sent me an email the other day containing her favorite poem.

i loved it so much i wanted to share it here and write my thoughts about it 

Perplexed Music
By Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Experience, like a pale musician, holds
A dulcimer of patience in his hand, 

Whence harmonies, we cannot understand,
Of God; will in his worlds, the strain unfolds
In sad-perplexed minors: deathly colds
Fall on us while we hear, and countermand
Our sanguine heart back from the fancyland
With nightingales in visionary wolds.
We murmur ' Where is any certain tune
Or measured music in such notes as these ? '
But angels, leaning from the golden seat,
Are not so minded their fine ear hath won
The issue of completed cadences,
And, smiling down the stars, they whisper—

my thoughts :::

patience must be learned, earned, and experienced. a musician will understand complex harmonies that we the listener will not understand partially because we have not spent as much time with the music, practicing it, listening to it, being with it. god is the master musician. in his world all the melodies of this world will unfold. to us the music may sound sad and we may not understand the complexities or depth of the music because we have not experienced it like god has. but angels who have had years more of experience will lean from their seats with their tuned ears and understand the complicated melodies of sadness, anxiety, and adversity. to them, from their seat in the stars, they will hear the hope these songs can bring and it will be sweet.

i have recently gone through a very hard and moderately traumatic experience with my mental health that required a stay in the hospital. i will be writing about it. i understand this poem on a deeper level - there are some things words will never be able to convey - only music - and that sometimes the level of my sadness can only be measured by the one who is playing the music, someone who has been there before, someone who understands with perfect clarity : god.

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