Friday, March 8, 2013

did god make a mistake?

when he created me?

sometimes i feel so flawed. if i were to break down the ingredients god used to create me here's what i think his ingredient sheet would look like :::
"how to create a uniquely human rachel"
5% singing talent
10% love
3% honesty
3% gratitude
10% fear/worry
4% driving fast
6% expression with words
5% caring/kindness
2% avoidance
1% willingness to try
3% gardener
20% anxiety
2% ability to nap
8% humor
1% love of reading
3% decorator's eye
2% self injury
1% eyes that can't see
3% love of dogs
6% love of god's gospel
2% introvert
=
100% human rachel
he just grabbed the right mixtures off of the shelf, poured the right percentage of each mixture into the mold, and out came me. but there seems to have been a bump or two too much - a drizzle or sprinkle extra - and so i came out flawed.
when i look at those 'ingredients' i only see fear, worry, avoidance, anxiety, self injury, introvert. sure i can read the others but they fade against my glaring flaws.
why did god have to make me with 'challenges included?'
the outside world is a reflection of the inside world s says. well if we took that in the way that i dress, i'm tired. and i don't care. and i'm not worth it. and i'm not pretty. i haven't fixed my hair in months. makeup - what? and my clothes are older, and baggy. nice, huh? good visual. it's how i feel about my insides - old - tired- washed up - used - easy to over look.
am i a mistake to god?

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