Sunday, August 19, 2012

"you could make a pot of soup..."

"...and put part of it in disposable baggies. then you can come home from work and just grab a bag out of the freezer and heat it up. healthy meal in minutes."

it was at this point in the therapy session that i started crying -- for the second time.

"oh," i said, "i think i'm going to cry. ya, i'm going to cry. that is so hard. i just can't even think about doing that. that seems like so much work!" *tears streaming down my face - nose dripping - eyes drooping*

i can't even imagine what the hell was going through this poor man's brain. probably something along the lines of questioning every decision he made that led him to choose this profession. but out loud he politely said ...

"oh, ok, wow, i can see this is overwhelming for you. ok, i have another idea and it's three steps!"

oh yes, oh please, three steps. i can do that. i can manage three. 

that's how my first day of nine days off from work began :) and it wasn't a bad beginning, just one that reminded me that it's ok to go slow. to be calm. and to realize i can't do it all. i don't have to do it all. and if making soup from scratch is too much then i sure as hell won't do it! 

such wisdom!

and so i won't!

i am on a trip. helping my sister get set up in her own apartment for her next semester of school. and i am so grateful to be here. as s and i would say, graterful. yes, it's true, we make up words. but sometimes the words we have just aren't enough. so, as graterful and happy as i am to be here, let us not discount that it comes with a price.

as all things do. a change in routine is hard. traveling is difficult. i. hate. mountains. and we happen to be in a mountain-ness place. i feel trapped by the mountains. i like to see where the hell i am and not feel the overwhelming power of them hanging over me. on trips there can be too much talking. too much noise. and distraction. all equal me struggling a bit. to stay on top of things. the vomiting has increase - yay for this information! - and my stomach hurts so much. i took a xanax in the middle of the day today to just survive. to just make it.

and i came up with another word - suckassers. these are people who first of all suck - in general - and suck the life/energy out of you - and because of that they become asses. or assers as the case may be. and i like this word and fully intend to use it in a conversation.

what are words if not power?

ahhhh, i am realizing that i am very tired ... and am not sure this will make any sense. but alas i am going to post it. and believe that my readers will treat me and my blog with an added measure of kindness - and not refer to me as a suckasser :)

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