Thursday, August 30, 2012

ramblings of rachel

a good name for a blog ...

my mind is hazy. dazzled with many thoughts. some delightful others dreadful.

note :
the following things tastes the SAME going DOWN and coming UP
*peanut butter*snot*granola*honey dew melon*
other things - such as ...
guacamole ^ grape juice ^ chicken ^ watermelon ^
i am weary of throwing up. isn't weary such a great word. it adds a measure of feeling and importance as opposed to just using the word tired. bleh. not as descriptive.
my counselor says i should write a dictionary - and in said dictionary i would put words such as graterful - suckassers - and my latest and greatest - queerdos (as in queer weirdos)
i know ... you really weren't living until you heard that word.
ah, i am transitioning into truth - well - real. i am always truthful on this blog. maybe to a fault but that's neither here nor there. i am seeing that my ramblings are funny and witty - all to keep the reader thrown off as to how i really feel about this, the eve before my surgery.
and so i will write the truth. in very small letters. and as you read it, please read it in a whisper :
i am very very scared for tomorrow and do not think i have the courage to face doctors, needles, nurses, questions, and more tired-ness. i am already weary and do not want to battle my anxiety at a hospital. i despise hospitals. some say college is where happiness goes to die - i say it's hospitals. ah, again, the sarcasm. i'm scared. and i want to hide in my dark room, under my purple sheets, and be safe holding my teddy bear. i do not want tomorrow to come. i do not want this trial. i do not want to go through this. i am tired of hurting. but scared of healing.
that's how i truly am.
let's end with some laughter shall we???!!!

Empathetic doctor

and because my aunt is freaking awesome !!!!! she made me my own personal
hospital gown :)
love you aunt L!!!!!

Photo: I'm gonna be the CUTEST patient ever in my personalized hospital gown! Thank you Aunt Laralee ! Surgery is tomorrow at 12. prayers welcome :)

*breathing breathing always breathing*

No comments:

Post a Comment