Sunday, July 22, 2012

safe place

today has been a cupcake kind of day. i just needed them. so i gathered the energy to make them -- and well, it didn't go well. i couldn't place my finger on what wasn't right. i put in all the ingredients. i baked them at 350 degrees. i put them in darling cupcake tins. but the taste was so off. so bad. so bleck. and when i checked the measuring spoon i used, it all made sense.

yes, it's true... if you use a 1/2 TBSP measuring spoon for salt, soda, vinegar and vanilla it will taste very different than using 1/2 tsp for those ingredients.

so now my home smells of delicious cupcakes which = very deceiving & :( as there are none to eat.

a sent me a journal entry that she wrote, entitled 'my island.' it was filled with descriptive images of the things she wants and doesn't want, the feel and lay of the land she would call home, and how her world would be created to best suit her. reading it made me want to do the same.

and do i will. in seven points. because seven is the number of the day for me.

1 - the following would not exist : zits, periods, gross smells, itches, bugs, heat, sand, weeds, trash, meds, pain, money, bills, mistakes, hurt feelings, phone, internet, people

2 - i would live in a secluded space of flat land. no mountains. the land would roll a little but not too much. there would be an ocean far enough away to keep the sand out of my space but close enough that i could hear it. there would be green, soft grass all around. beautiful flowers that would just grow. weeping willows with hammocks under them where i could crawl in and lay all day. i could spend my time tending to the flowers if i wanted but if i didn't get around to it they wouldn't die.

3 - there would be no direct sunlight. the sky would be filled with clouds. soft light would embrace me every day. the temperature would always be 72 with a breeze. i would wear over sized black t-shirts and bare feet. but if i wanted to wear socks moisture would never get on them. the weather would change to fit my feelings. calm, blue with a breeze. happy, sunlight streaming through clouds with yellow flowers. angry, black storms with hail and sleet. sad, steady rain and gray skies.

4 - my home would be open with the exception of one room that would be completely closed - no windows. that's where i would sleep. the rest of the home would be filled with thick berber carpet and soft foam to walk on. the walls would be soft lavender, sage and tan. i would have lots of chairs to sit in. the over sized overstuffed ones that you can seep into. and no heavy blankets. only sheets. a large black flat screen tv to watch psych, the glades, and common law on. and an amazing sound system that resonates through the house to play my music on. food would appear when i was hungry. and chocolate would only be an arm's length away.

5 - my room would be completely closed off. with green plants that grow with no sunlight. my bed would be king sized, soft, tiled and raised because i love crawling into bed. i would have 8 feather pillows and my sheets would be silky soft and light pink. air would always be moving without fans and the walls would be sound proof. when i am angry i would go there. and it would be safe.

6 - no one would be allowed to come into my space unless invited and they would leave when it was time. i would have a variety of fast cars to drive around the giant race track built 5 miles from my home. my day car would be an acura tl and my fast cars would be audis and bentleys. all would be equipped with insane sound systems. no one to tell me to slow down. i would have a place behind my home filled with glass to break and shatter. and a sledge hammer. and things to hit and punch and scream at.

7 - at night the moon would shine in his brilliance and stars would shine forever in every direction. each night he would take me into his arms and tell me about his day, or listen to mine, or rock me gently to sleep. the stars would hum quietly and twinkle.

to be free from pain, panic, fear, worries, distractions, people. that's what i would love. there are so many more things i would add to my safe place, but this is a good start.

what are seven parts of your safe place?

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