i felt that setting boundaries was not allowed. my job was to be perfect - in school and work, with friends and family. i listened, i fixed, i did, i worried, i stressed. and though i would never say it out loud.... this is the doormat that best fit my feelings :::
i didn't know how to say 'no!' how to state my truth calmly and clearly. counseling opened my eyes to the possibilities of a world with acceptable boundaries. ones that would help me stay strong and keep 'shattering' personalities at a distance. i have not mastered the art of boundary setting yet. and let me just be clear -- it takes practice! it's hard. so hard.
because familiar pain is easier pain than unfamiliar pain.
but i'm trying. and that counts.
i will admit that i may be over zealous with boundaries right now - but that is ok. because i'm growing and hurting and struggling and i want to keep myself safe. my goal is to reach this simply stated, truthful doormat :::
because i'm not! i'm a person of worth. i count. my good times and my bad. and that is what has made me strong.
yes. i am strong. something i N E V E R considered myself before. i always thought i was weak. but i have done so much and at the end of the day in my honest, reflective and truthful moments, i cannot in good conscious look in the mirror and say i have no value.
five truths about me ::: 1) i listen from the heart and because of that people talk to me from their hearts. i hear them and understand them. i listen to care, not because i like to hear sounds. 2) i'm good at my job. i love kids and they love me. i think that says a lot about me. kids see what adults often fail to. 3) i am honest about my struggles and imperfections. 4) i am good at decorating my home and making it feel inviting and safe for others. 5) i help those i care about not because i want something in return but because i love them.
bad days will come. hard times are guaranteed. suck happens. but because of these five core truths about me, i cannot say i am worthless. i matter. and so do you.
what are your five truths?
i am strong. i am a fighter. the playlist