Tuesday, June 12, 2012

maybe my super power is vomit

because i seem to be really good at it these days ... i don't know how i would use it to save the world ... but people tend to give a generous bubble space when you're bent over  a bowl/toilet/car doing something so totally against nature ...

so maybe i could be "vomit girl! giving you the bubble space you deserve!"

or something like that

... the first part of this may be deemed tmi for some .. so skip to the 'high five' if you feel you qualify. if not, read on.

two weeks ago i started having stomach cramps/pain which lead to vomiting and diarrhea. ugh. i thought it was part of my 'conversion' of anxiety to physical symptoms, so i addressed those symptoms by taking an over the counter heartburn medication. it eased the pain and stopped the other two things and i thought allwaswell.

fast forward when the two week treatment was over bringing back the vomiting and diarrhea. i will spare details of each, but let it be known that neither are good. i know it is not being caused by a virus. i can tell that something else is going on. i also started having blurred vision and seizures again. i called my psychiatrist who upped my xanax and told me to see a gastroenterologist. i have an appt to see her in two weeks. until then, i'm taking the over the counter stuff again, eating ginger snaps, drinking gatorade, and staying as cool as possible.

(.............and praying that it is not being caused by this because the last thing i need//want is more to deal with..................)

so i gave myself a high five today -- in fact -- i gave myself the HIGHEST of fives because of the reasons checked.

and i also happen to be breathing therapeutically through it all.

which brings me to what i really want to write about.

therapeutic breathing.

you may be thinking that you are an excellent breather. you've been doing it for 10 20 30 or more years. and you have been breathing...  but there can be more to it. when you take a deep breath, filling your diaphragm, keeping your shoulders down, and filling your entire being with air, you will notice a difference. your heart rate will slow down, your mind will clear, you will focus on the act of breathing and being, and that will ground you.

part of the 'fun' of anxiety is hyperventilating. i begin to freak out and 'chest breathe' (yep i just made that term up). this means i'm expelling too much carbon dioxide with shallow, quick breaths.

air is important. we kinda need it to live.

and when you don't have the right amount of oxygen and carbon dioxide in your blood so many neat things can happen such as : dizziness, light headedness, fainting, blurred vision. oh ya, it's a blast.

when i feel my chest clamping up and my lungs  beginning to squeeze shut, i stop, and fill my body - all the way down to my toe nails - with air. that visual is what helps me get back on track, take good deep breaths, and calm down, allowing me to focus on the situation that has come up and not get stuck on the symptoms of my reaction to the situation.

S signs all of her emails "~remember to breathe~" and it's such a simple, powerful statement.

pause, breathe, reflect.

i put the word 'air' on my bathroom mirror in vinyl lettering to remind myself multiple times during the day to breathe slowly. when S and i text we always send each other 'peace and air' because those two things make for a much better day.

i also have this reminder in my home :

*will you treasure every breath today?*


  1. A perfect blog for a perfect girl! I am so proud of you for putting yourself out there. You can help so many people. I am thinking if you would just "UNZIP" your freakin "AURA" and let it all out you would be much happier - haha Love you tons!

    1. :) i'm so glad you read it and that you like it! i try to keep things real ... and release my AURA!!! xo