my aunt and i were talking about my grandma, mamaw, who passed away in march last year. words will never be able to describe how much i love my grandma. i felt were were of the same soul material. so many parts of who i am and who she was were the same. i miss her. everyday. i look for her in the things i do. whenever i see a cardinal i think of her. she loved birds. she had a hummingbird feeder outside one of her windows, so i bought my home one. she had beautiful gardens around her house, so i have covered my patio in potted plants. she loved angels. i bought a plant that had an angel in it to remind me of her. i love mamaw. she did so much for me. anyway, today my aunt said, "sometimes i think about mom and ask, what would mom do?"
so, at the beginning of my journey, S taught me about her WW_S lists. when she was down or in a place where she could not come up with rational thoughts, she would make lists from someone else's perspective :: lists of what they would say to her.
this. changed. my. life.
i have done many lists from the perspective of S, mamaw, my sister, my counselor, etc. because S understands me so well and has been where i am, i find myself often making WWSS lists because i know she gets it.
when i find my breathing becoming shallow, my thoughts beginning to spin, and my hands and feet turning cold, i'll pause and do a WWSS list. here's an example :
1 : breathe. take 3 therapeutic breaths.
2: s l o w d o w n
3 : get something cold to drink
4 : use the restroom
5 : turn on a distracting show
it is amazing how leaving the 'problem' and returning to it later after i've calmed down completely changes the dynamics of what i was going through.
i've done WWMamawSay lists :
1 : look outside
2 : listen to the birds
3 : take a walk
4 : make a craft//red hat
when i can't be rational, i pick someone who i know can be and channel my 'inner them.' it's gotten me through some dark dark days. and picked me up on good days. sometimes i make those lists just to remind myself that i am doing good things and that the people i cherish in my life celebrate my victories.
oh, and always - always, S says go to sonic. always.