Monday, May 21, 2012

sorry is a mean word

because as somebody with an anxiety disorder i use it w- aaaaa-aaaaa- aaaa- y too often. i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry. well you know what, enough is enough, and i'm actually NOT sorry!

i'm not going to be all out rude. i mean there are times when it really is my bad - for example when i almost ran over a nice young man at the gas station today. he looked at me, i looked at him and mouthed sorry, and he smiled and we both went on our way. my bad.

but so often my head tries to tell me that everything is my fault. the awkward silence in the room, the speaker being late for the meeting, traffic on the freeway, notes not showing up at work, etc etc. you name it, apparently it's my fault. well guess what. it's. not. my. fault. anymore. ! 

"sorry" is a filler word. a get out of jail free card if you will. it eases the tension, breaks up anger, and re-focuses people on the true issue at hand. all because someone took the blame for a situation. well i'm done being that person. i'm not sorry that you were late for work because you left late and got stuck in traffic. not my problem. seriously, i have enough running around going on in my brain. i don't need to add your issues to it.

i do not have to apologize for others. if it's not my fault, let the silence speak.

i do not have to over apologize. "i'm soooo sorry. it's totally my fault." no. it's. not.

and i have begun to work on this, thought it's not as easy as it might seem. sorry is such a short quick word that solves a lot of issues. but does it really solve things.... or just cover up problems, like a rug does a dirty floor. the dirt is still there. you just can't see it. the problem is still there. it's just no one is talking about it.

so, enough with the sorrys!

on with the silence!

my new motto is : "think twice : no need to be extra nice"

(ie: don't be sorry when you don't need to be)

***unless it really is your bad -- then do the right thing and say sorry***

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